Thanks...
`Coz thats all it takes to turn me into a monster...
Really...
I don't freaking care anymore...
And I shan't talk about it anymore...
You blew up the volcano now...
You wanna do this?
Fine...
Don't like how I do things?
Wanna know where that came from?
YOU!

Time running short...
In a few hours time...
I will complete my final preparation...
Somehow I've look forward to the day...
But as it inches closer...
My feeling change...
I've no idea how to describe it...
But I feel like I'm less ready than I've expected...
Everything's going to change...
I've grown to accept many changes in my life...
But am I ready for this?
One thing's for sure...
I'm going to be a changed man...
The moment I'm there...
I won't be the same...

I shan't expect...
I shan't hope...
And I will accept...
And I will embrace...
The truth of my predicament...
I will lived through it...
By it...
And with it...

I'm trying hard this time round...
I know my efforts may go to waste...
I'm going to do my best...
Because eventually I realised...
How much this system meant to me...
At the very least...
I'm going to hold it together as long as I can...
(Suddenly feeling so positive)
Anyway all I wanna say is...
I've already taken my step...
Its time to take yours..
=)

Argh...
I really shouldn't think so much...
Because I think I f-ed my own life...
Though it seems like its fine...
I find that Everything that I want to achieve...
I did not achieve it...
Sounds damn failure...
All the wrong decision lar...
Starting to think every single step is wrong lar...
Damn sian lar...
Argh never mind lar...
Don't think so much lar...
For a start...
I should not expect anything from Army lar...
Don't want disappointment again lar...
Me being ambitious eventually make me look dumb...
Basket...
Zzz...

Food for thoughts:

A friend of mine had an interesting personal message on msn...

And it goes like this:

"Don't talk to me like you know me,

Talk to me like you love me."

Though it sounds simple...

But somehow I believe I can learn something from it...

I realised...

Whenever I talking to someone...

I always talked as though I know them well...

Perhaps I do...

But talking this way will only lead me to advising them...

On what is theoretically the right way to do things...

But somehow I neglect something in the equation...

Emotions and Feelings...

Things that makes us human...

This may oppose what is theoretically right...

Feelings do make us steer away from the best decision...

Somehow I think I should learn to be less "inhuman" about it bah...

Standing in someone else's shoe...

The best theoretical right way may just be an impossible way...

Makes sense...

Yepz..

Some things just struck me these few days...
Just feel so...
...
Like really lor...
And for the past few weeks...
Since I'm not using any "intense english"...
My language capabilities have dropped...
And it got worse a few days ago...
When I stuttered in front of the optometrist...
(I actually checked the meaning of optometrist...)
Yea...
So you can imagine how long I've never went out...
In a way rotting at home is good...
Saves money...
LOL...
Budden it has a lot of social complications...
I realised my hair has grown into...
I-don't-know-how-to-describe...
Yea...
You get my point...
Oh wells...
But that's not the point...
Point is...
Life's getting boring...
Somebody save me...
LoL...

I guess you really don't know how to draw lines...
How to divide your time...
You spend too much time on your work...
You seem to have no time for anything...
Or maybe you do...
Or maybe like I used to say...
I'm the lowest priority...
Yea...
I've no idea...
You have your ideals and your life...
You want to spend your life this way?
Its your choice...
I realised...
My attitude towards you has changed...
Perhaps you did not notice...
But I've already "let go"...
Sometimes...
Preaching has no value...
When you eventually lose it...
Perhaps you will regret...
Perhaps you won't...
Entertainment can work without me...
Though jobs and serious matters...
I seem to still have some value...
Ah...
Never mind...

P.S. I'm not angry while writing all that, just wanna say what I wanna say...

Hmmm...
I've been thinking a lot lately...
And I realised...
The reason I got to who I am today...
Whether good or bad...
Is because I think a lot...
In a way...
It has helped me a lot...
Thinking allows me to predict rather accurately...
What had happen...
What is happening...
And what is going to happen...
Even when I'm not in the know of things...
Partly because thinking a lot drove me to analysing everything...
And analysing situations does help me make decision alot...
Though at times it slows making simple decision...
Can't believe I actually took 15mins...
Deciding on which instant noodle to cook...
Oh wells...
Actually having to think a lot...
And getting to know things I'm not supposed to know...
Has its consequences at times...
At this point in time...
I know there are probably people hiding some secrets from me...
If so I expect them to tell me...
But I know if they do have secrets they are just going to keep it that way...
Its not that I'm very concerned about the secrets...
I don't care about the secrets...
Just don't want to be left out...
Like when the whole world knows about it...
And I'm the only goondul that don't
The reason why I can deduce that?
Many...
Things like behaviour can sell you out easily...
I know I'm not perfectly good at "guessing"...
But I trust that myself that its not paranoia...
Oh wells...
Its not very important...
But just don't like it when people keep secrets from me...
In a way that I know there is a secret...
zzz...

Hmmm...
Somehow I feel very...
Empty now...
`cos...
I'm in the middle of a very...
Looooooonnnngggg...
Transition from A level to my next stage of life..
Which is Army...
Somehow I have set quite a few task to achieve during my JC years...
But well...
All these task don't work out...
Thought bout helping my old CCAs...
But its getting bad to worse...
Thought about finding love...
But well...
Failing quite badly I guess?
Picking up musical instruments...
Failure due to loss in motivation...
Same for picking up dance too...
So yea...
Getting more and more bored each day...
Eventually will sleep more and more each day lor...
HAHA...
What to do?
Must find something to do to pass these 3 weeks...
Hmmm...

Just some thoughts:
In solving a problem...
More often than not...
Its not all about the answer...
But rather its more about the analysing the question...
And providing a sound method of solving...
Probably thats why even most Maths question are structure in the way...
Such that there are many M1 (method mark)...
And onli 1 A1 (answer mark)...