Hey gal...
Dunno whether u will see this...
U told me last nite i should juz vent everything out wif u last nite...
But I believe u noe i couldn't...
U noe i love u too much le...
To tell u the truth...
I'm sad....
Not bcoz of wat happen...
But bcoz u gave up without trying...
I noe u r tired of trying...
Perhaps i'm juz not good enuff for u to try tat hard...
Pls noe tat...
No matter wat...
I'm always willing to try wif u...
We can do tis...
Tats wat i believe...
U noe...
Even though u r tired...
And i really respect ur decision...
But deep inside...
I hope u could try at least...
I dun wanna force u...
I dun wanna hurt u...
I dun wanna see u get stuck in between...
Tats why i din say anything last nite...
I'm confused...
I dunno wat i should do now...
I will leave it to u alrite?...
No matter how tiring it has been for me...
I still tink its still worth a try...
I dunno...
I really dunno...
All i noe now is tat u r still there...
Inside my heart...
And u told me i could let go...
But u noe truely how hard it is to do tat...

Haiz...
Sitting in my literally dark and cold room...
Sometimes...
I juz feel like ranting...
How my life has been...
Some said my life is perfect...
I'm "successful" in a sense...
Academics no problem...
Frens...Loads of em'...
Loads of em' are very close ones...
But I realised from my point of view...
It will nvr be perfect...
I'm not asking alot...
I juz wan to build finish my final pillar of support...
I failed once b4...
Miserably...
I've nvr said it b4...
But it took me a few weeks to get over it...
And now...

When everything seems to go well...
Everything seems fine...
She said I had to wait...
And I said I will...
And eventually it came to tis...
I wasn't angry or anything...
It juz felt like more and more arrows...
Spears and sword and everything else...
Piercing thru my seemingly thick armour...
Right thru my heart...
Even my 2 most fav. song...
Viva la vida and Here (in ur arms)
Sounds like the saddest song in the world...
(well its the piano version by david sides...)
The band hellogoodbye seems like an irony now...
I told her its ok...
But deep inside...
It really hurts...
It does...
And it hurts much more than the last time..
Its not our fault...
I'm not blaming one for anything...
But Im really juz feeling helpless..
Tat life has to put me in such predicament...
I'm juz...
...

Tonite is a very impt nite...
For I realised tat...
I finally found wat i've seek for years...
Today I've cut my hair...
For me...
Its somehow a symbolic ceremony...
Where I reflect and start anew...
And I now realised that...
I've been given the chance to "reborn"
And tat i've found wat i've been lacking...
My last pillar of support...
My confidante...
My partner...
And many more...
Thx whoever I should thx...
For showing me the way...
And letting me "reborn"
Thx...

Today was supposed to be a very nice day...
When everything seems to be fine...
When my life supposed to be back on track...
Ya...
And dunno wat happen...
Everything juz spread out...
I tot i could trust them lor...
Nabei...
Damn Pissed now...
And i tot all can trust...
Aiya forget it lar...

在夜光下的演奏：
我喊道：“我。。。找到了”。

I may no longer find that pillar...
That holds my heart together anymore...
But at least I still have the many frens who will be there...
Now I just hope I won't hav any major setbacks..
No doubt i'm constantly seeking that pillar...
Argh...
I'm tired...

Insanity

Doesn't seem far from reality now...

I'm running out of time...

Things aren't done...

Inefficiency...

Datelines...

Revision...

Promotion...

Can I last thru these dark hours...

I juz feel like not caring bout anything...

Yesh...

I'm "mentally unstable"

Not to the extend of doing crazy stuff...

But in my expressions of views and opinions...

Time for some Random Analysis of my Current Situation:

• Schedule?

Nvr had a schedule in my 10 years of education...

• Subject Revised?

Chem - 60%
Phy- 65%
Maths - 40%
GP - Near 0%
Econs - 20-30%
Chi - Nvr ever revised
Oh...
And all of these are inclusive of past memories
(Meant tat recent revision is much less than the %)

• Time Left?

Less than 2 weeks...

And that basically sums up my situation...
Therefore...
Results of Analysis?

Arec...U r in such big trouble man...
At this rate u r going...
At most u r going to scrape through a pass...
Either u triple ur rate of revision...
Or u r not going to finish in time...

Haiz...
Its not that I dun wan to...
But its juz an old habit...
Holidays = Relaxation...
The mood to study is virtually not there...
What I really need now...
Might not be within my control...
I need external support...
I need a special fren to cheer me on...
I'm...

I dun noe why...

But I finally release and be myself...

As u can see...

I nvr flare easily...

The point that I flare...

Is when I see something really wrong...

And no one cares bout it...

Dun care lar...

I dun wanna make it look bad for everyone...

Its not a matter of whether I can do it...

Its a matter of whether I wanna do it...