Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Hmmm...
Finally back in SG...
Actually somehow...
I wanted to stay in M'sia longer...
But there are things to be done in SG...
Like applying for Uni...
LOL...
Why do I wanna stay in M'sia longer?
Perhaps its because I feel more relax there?
Perhaps its because I have cousins that really care?
Perhaps its because I really felt like I'm home there?
Or maybe its perhaps I wanna escape from this battlefield...
Somehow...
I believe I need alot of freedom...
And I think SG doesn't provide me that...
Somehow being in M'sia makes me all relax...
And lets me do everything I want to...
Hmmm...
Anyway just these few hours...
I've been watching alot of video of piano pieces...
Great!
But somehow I realised that...
I'm watching all these videos...
In hope that one day I could do all that...
But somehow in the back of my head...
I knew there are some things that I'm not going to accomplish...
No matter how hard I try...
This is one of them...
I know that I'm never going to express my thoughts through music...
Not through dances too...
I have alot of things that I want to accomplish...
But I know that I cannot accomplish most of them too...
I know I'm dreaming big...
But somehow...
Some dreams...
No matter how big...
How ridiculous it may sounds...
I'm going to accomplish it...
I swear...
As for music and dances...
I guess they were never meant for me...
Ha...
One day, I'm going to buy a small piece of land in M'sia...
Build my own house there...
Lead a quiet life...
I know thats me...
And I know that if my future wife likes this idea...
I know that person likes me...
`Cos This is me...
Someday somehow...
I will find my way there...
When I do...
I know I'll be happy=)
Dream to live; Live to dream
2:28 AM
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Sometimes I do wonder...
How varied can it be from what I'm thinking...
And what I really say and do...
Sometimes I wanna let go...
But my actions refuse to say...
Sometimes I act like I never do care...
But deep inside my mind thinks all about it...
How I wish I could be a person...
That do what I really think...
And think what I really do...
Somehow...
When I declared systems failed...
It never really did...
When I said I wanna let go...
I held on even tighter...
I still have a heart...
I still care for them...
And dang sometimes I can't really say or do it...
Hmmm...
Whatever it is...
I realised that...
The boundary for which I drew...
Which separates who is important and who is not has never changed...
Leaving tomorrow for M'sia again...
Mixed feelings but oh wells...
"Sometimes you wished you leaved...
But when you really do...
You realised you should have stayed..."
Dream to live; Live to dream
1:13 AM
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
I've had enough!
What is this?
Everything is my fault?
What I said is true!
Well it isn't really fair isn't it?
Throwing the blame at me for EVERYTHING...
Oh you said it wasn't?
Then why the fuck you scold me for everything?
If its his fault too...
Why did I not see you scolding him?
You grumble all day about everything thats wrong in the house...
And you talk as if its my fault...
When I asked...
You just said "it could be anyone"
BULLSHIT!
If so scold during dinner time...
I don't see you doing that...
So what is it?
Favouritism?
Well isn't it obvious enough...
Your actions and speech says it all...
Come on lar...
I'm not blind...
For years now I've been throwing excuses at myself...
Just to believe its not favouritism...
But come on...
NONE OF THE EXCUSES MAKES SENSE!
Its pure favouritism!
Yeah...
Just because he appears to be filial...
You treat him best...
Right...
Well obviously he turns King behind your back...
Why...
Is it my fault for being "real"?
Should I put on a facade too...
Just to curry favour from you
And make my life better?
Well I wouldn't do that...
What I'm going to do is...
To get out of this house as soon as I can...
And hell yeah I am...
You can go to him when you need help...
Since he's all so filial...
No wonder I never felt like this is my home at all...
Dream to live; Live to dream
12:37 AM
Monday, March 15, 2010
I was expecting a simple boring night tonight...
But I guess tonight really changed my attitude a bit...
Was totally random when I decided to watch a movie...
No idea why but I just watched finish the movie:
L changed the world...
I don't know how others felt...
But for me...
Somehow this movie is motivating...
Watching someone who knew his end was near...
Yet he continue to do so much...
He could easily end the world he once knew...
And I do believe the world did not meant so much to him before...
But I guess he really did learn a lot from his last days...
In a way...
I guess the notion of death has its ways of changing a person...
If only man could change without such extreme situation...
No doubt I know that times are going to be tough for me...
Before this movie...
I do not really have any idea how to handle this...
Somehow after the movie...
I believe that I should be optimistic about it...
I guess thats how I did it the last year...
Somehow I hope to hang on to this optimism for long...
I've got to find a way to this...
In the meantime...
I guess I should rest...
Let this whole idea of optimism sink into my mind=)
"Even though times are tough and its hard to move on...
But life goes on and tough man last longer than tough times=)"
Dream to live; Live to dream
1:13 AM
Sunday, March 14, 2010
These are tough times...
I will have to face them alone...
At the very least I have been for the past few years...
Somehow these times come every year...
But never mind...
Tough times breed tougher man...
I will grit my teeth through this...
Because this will never be the end of me...
I may be down...
But I'm not out!
Roar!
Dream to live; Live to dream
1:54 AM
Friday, March 12, 2010
How pathetic...
Just goes to show how pathetic my life is...
Can't even find a friend to accompany me to the open house...
What Joke...
I guess I'm really that sad case...
Haiz...
Never mind...
I will find a way...
I guess
Dream to live; Live to dream
11:21 PM
Thursday, March 11, 2010
精疲力尽
Weakness sets in...
Real Weakness...
Head spinning...
Growing heavier...
Argh...
I'll be fine...
I've no idea how to answer people...
When they asked about my results or my health...
`Coz there's nothing I can do about it...
And Sis...
You don't have to remind me that I used to be one of the top...
I know I've fallen from the top...
Fell through a large distance I know...
Don't have to remind me of what I've lost because of that C...
Damn it...
Dream to live; Live to dream
11:17 PM
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Here to report my results...
Most of the subjects were fine...
Except for 1...
Somehow I expected it to be abit off my target after doing the paper..
I was wrong...
It was way off...
And it made all the difference in my overall result...
In a way...
My dreams were more or less shattered...
Many have came by and said...
"Hey, your results aren't that bad...Take a chill pill"
And there are those that believe I do not know how to 知足
I guess these people don't know me well enough...
If you know me well enough...
You would have known that I'm easily satisfied...
If I seek more...
Often its to share..
I shan't explain more...
Curious ask me...
Anyway I'm not surprised I'm misunderstood...
Because I've always been...
Just that sometimes...
Its the closest people...
HAHA...
Nvr mind lar...
Understandable=)
Hmmm...
Health deteriorating again...
Not very surprising...
I'm not caring...
How I wished that someday...
I will find someone that really knew me...
Or perhaps...
Like someone said before...
"You closed the doors to others...
How can you expect someone to come in?"
Haiz...
Missed you...
Dream to live; Live to dream
10:59 PM
Friday, March 05, 2010
Few more hours...
Pray pray pray...
Dream to live; Live to dream
11:35 AM
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
Hmmm...
In 2 days time, I'll be getting my results...
Well...
I shouldn't give myself too much hope...
I know clearly that I did not do well...
More or less the results should be unsatisfactory...
But well...
Its the choices I made that make me here...
So I guess I hav to accept it...
A phrase can pretty much sum up the situation I'll be facing...
赔了夫人又折兵...
Oh wells...
Even though its part of the prediction...
It still came as a surprise...
When the system that was set up after much effort...
Eventually crash and burn...
Allies are ready to help...
But a King with no army...
Is nothing much but a failure himself...
What is he to do...
Other than cowering behind his allies...
Dream to live; Live to dream
2:32 PM
